Either bad or good, it depends. The worst thing is that i never encounter to have this bad relation with my dad. I cried just now on my way back from college. I heard a lot happy father's day message from people let me refresh back how good my relation with my dad and compare to now, it is really pathetic.
Before this, dad always give me more than my usual expenses and he said i can save for my future. But now, any expenses is so limited, sometime even not enough. I was thinking that, he should know how much i will spend, and now he purposely limit my expenses. i don't get it why, can't he feel pain that i got not enough money to spend? When i ask for more, they doubt at me. Why i spend so much? What the hell is that? i might be strong to protect myself from people doubt, but deep inside my heart i am deeply hurt. I cannot accept it.
Why giving me a smelly face? is like everyday he trying to ignore my existent. I hate it, if you are not happy why so hard keep it? say it out, scold me or ask me go away. Why not? Instead of i make your day so unhappy. Is the same, i don't know i got so many people around me behave like this. Not happy tell out, don't give me a face. I won't know if you give me the face. Please, be mature. Yes, i am telling to my dad to be mature. I am your daughter remember? Sign...
Well, i admit i lie a lot when they started to doubt at me. I went college everyday even sunday too. For meeting, i know some of you might not believe why that's so much things to do? But please, do trust me. I really go for meeting, no other else. My family non of it trust me. It is been 2 years more i studied design. And they still refused to trust me. I try to protect myself, that's why i start to learn how to lie. Whenever i try to lie, i am scared. i scare my future daughter will lie at me too. But god, please forgive me, i am trying to protect myself from being hurt. And i swear, i won't doubt at my daughter i won't let her suffer from all this. I won't!
Not only expenses but that's a lot of changes. Whenever i think back, i will cried badly. Pain in heart. I try to be strong back after that. That i need to move on, and on. Until i success. Seriously, i got no confident i will success in the future. But i always motivate myself to try out. Try, be brave and try again and again. I am happy that i am brave to protect myself from now on.
Well.. I can only be strong for now. Don't worry, i am still happy as usual. In my mind, always got a quote. Sad you have to go on, happy you also have to go on. Why not you choose to be happy right. Life get easier when you are happy. No doubt, i am still very grateful for what i have now. Be grateful =)
See.. i am smiling =))
